I’m swimming. I’m a good swimmer. A strong swimmer. I have the legs. All the power in my body is in my legs. I feel the water slice in half as I power through. It obeys the movement of my body, allowing me to take control. One lap, two laps, three laps. I keep going. I will only stop when my body tells me to and so far it has not. Six laps, seven laps, eight laps. A wave starts to form. It’s small, minute. I do not take much notice. It rocks me like a lullaby. It does not scare me, it is gentle, soothing. Then another wave comes, this one is followed a few minutes later by another. They come steadily now. I continue to power through. Those legs do not stop. They keep going. So I keep going. twenty five laps, twenty eight laps, thirty laps. But there’s a pain coming from somewhere. At first I am not sure where the source is. I do a body check. It is not my feet, or legs, or stomach. My head is fine and my hands are nibble. It’s my arms. They burn. They are not complaining but they are on fire. It does not matter. My legs will not stop so my arms suck it up. Forty laps, fifty laps, seventy laps. But these waves. These waves are growing. And they are coming one after another after another. They do not stop. And I’m still going. But the burn is too strong. So I falter. I shake it out. Just for a second. My legs do not stop but my arms falter. And that’s when I lose my rhythm. I’m off balance. But the waves do not stop, they do not slow down. If anything they are gaining speed, with every rotation they are growing taller and coming faster. And before I realize it I can’t keep up. The current is too strong, the waves are double overhead and the burning won’t stop. The burning is excruciating. All I want to do is stop. But my legs, my legs they won’t stop. They can’t stop. Because if they stop, then it’s over. Then I lose the race. So I continue. I battle through. Through the burning, the cramping, the waves. I focus on my breathing which is erratic. All over the place. I focus but not good enough. I breathe in at the wrong time as a wave hits and just like that my lungs are filled with water as I struggle to stay above the surface. I fight. I swear I’m fighting. I’m not giving up. I’m not. But then…for a split second, I think “What if I just stopped swimming? What if I just stopped kicking?”
(via s-t-a-c-k-s)
